his love is killing me

whenever i think of you. whenever i think of you, a thousand tiny knives shred my body from the inside. you just should know i never thought of doing it just for the fun of it. i'm in pain. hope you're feeling better now.

here are the consequences of the post mortem post human existence we drag. pain pain endless pain moaning tears pain. how do you think do we live? are we together.
i'm touching your body over and over because i cant believe you're really here with me. i want to believe in your presence, but sometimes i am just unable to fix myself.
 i know you feel just the same. bruises on my body are helping you remember. i see you staring at me, staring like a stupid...
... unable to get your eyes off of me, untill i get too uncomfortable, just before the moment when your hand is punching me in the face.
 now you do feel my presence around, my naked body close to yours, don't you. do you feel my breath on your ear, my tears on your face?
do you feel my softness, my limp hands curling around your neck, does it feel good? ahh touch me there i want you to enter me, share the night with me.
life is subjective. i am lifeless but i live. i love takin away life from those who enjoy life. you're subjective as well, my love, you exist in my mind just because I want so.
don't you see, i am a temple of you and you have to destroy me.. only if you destroy me, your earthly suffering will end, and you'll get to Hell you're so craving for.
and what about me... i would definitely survive. live through, step over, and annihilate. no I lie. you just don't know how much sorrow it brings when I can't find you around.
our home. i stay in our bed for days, resting my head on your pillow. i think it's so much softer, better than mine, and it smells of you. i dream of your hair entangled with mine, i crave for your fingers interlocked with mine. i try on your clothes, they nearly fit. i touch myself, i caress this body, every little spot your fingers had touched. and then i wake up the other day, and you're back right here, your cold body is laying in the bed beside me. and the pain is here too.
and i love it.

i love you. leave your marks on me.


  1. Very nice pictures and I love the story<3 Well done!

    t. Mike

  2. This is a poem about love and pain. There's a bit of masochism in your idea of love but that's the beauty of decadence.

    1. Ah Peter, I'm glad you like it! I've been in a hurry while typing it yesterday, i've been kinda half an hour late for dining out with my bf >_< and when i re read it yesterday i thought it's not very good, but now I like it. YES i am a natural born decadent, just cant help myself haha. and i shuffled through that lovers resource some time ago, and found myself some prettyful sexy poses you see in this entry, thanks to your awesome mannequin :* do you like my new pictures? i think i've had more of them, i have to find them and post everything.

  3. Your pictures are awesome. You should teach me how to use the ENBseries. I can't get it to work properly.

    I noticed the new poses, I was wondering where you got them from. Sometimes I wish I had your talent to pose my characters like that, too. And I'm glad my mannequin came in handy. :)

    P.S. I'm going to Germany on business next month, I'm very excited to go back to Germany again! My colleague asked me to share the room. I would've prefered to have a single room but he's a very kind hearted guy so I'll gladly stay with him at the hotel.

    1. i dont use the enb series in oblivion XD but i can send you my bunch of nice poses i've chosen from the lovers mod, since quite few of them look not so trashy and can be fitted to the man on man action. i dont feel like installing the entire Lovers mod lol.
      germany is not bad haha. what city are you going to visit? i hope you'll have a good time!

  4. Yes, thanks! I thought you were using ENB because of the quality of your graphics. Now I'm wondering what you di to make them look that good.

    I'm going to Freiburg (and from there we're moving to France, too). I've already been there several years ago so I know exactly what to expect! ^_^

  5. Well in fact i dont do anything special to my screens, i just smoothen the body contours, paint Max's hair since i still can't get a proper hair for mah curly self. and the last thing i do is plopping a pseudo bokeh onto the edited pic. sometimes i have to fix the colour too, but not in my lair, the lighting is warm and soft there, just as i like.
    myself i'm not going to travel anywhere till the newyear holidays. but i visited france in spring. I then spent a night in leipzig on my way back.
    so i'm packing the poses for you, right?

  6. Yes, please! I have no poses installed atm.

  7. Read and replied! You're the best! <3

    1. yes i hoped i could be, thanks Peter.

  8. http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8031/8026371263_3ed3965461_o.png -So typical. One is loving, and the other one is using.